Problem sentence #1
The bedroom door flung open and the anticipated beating was proceeded by my mother screaming in a hash Trinidad dialect.
Revised sentence#1
My mother's screams in a hash Trinidad dialect proceeded the beating.
Problem sentence #2
The six inch piece of 2x4, forcefully came crashing down on my middle finger on my left hand as I instinctively held it up in defense over my face.
Revised sentence#2
Instinctively I held my hand up in defense as the piece of 2x4 forcefully connected with my middle finger.
Problem sentence #3
Suddenly she was straddling me and when in Mike Tyson Style with no boxing glove swinging at my face.
Revised sentence #3
Like Mike Tyson with no boxing gloves, she began swinging at my face all of a sudden.
This I wonder
Problem sentence #1
I was about to embark on a journey only several family members had gone on and few had returned from.
Revised sentence #1
Several family members went on this journey but only few returned and this was my opportunity.
Problem sentence #2
This trip was not planed, every thing fell in place literally over night.
This trip literally fell in place over night.
Problem sentence #3
I turned towards my mom stared her dead in the eyes and with out saying a word or making any gestures I made an about face and walked off.
Revised sentence#3
I looked at my mom and without a word or gesture, i turn and walked off.
This I Argue
Problem sentence #1
I grew up in Trinidad which is considered a third word country and in spite of all the hardships I faced there i never missed a meal unless it was by choice.
Revised sentence #1
In spite of all the hardships I faced Growing up in what is considered a third world nation I never went to bed Starving.
Problem sentence #2
What I imagined America to be faded very quickly, as I looked around and found myself in the midst of people starving in plain site.
Revised sentence #2
To see people starving in plain site all around me changed my view of America.
Problem sentence #3
What would it take for the government to eradicate hunger in the USA and lead by example to the rest of the world they are so quick to police?
Revised sentence #3
Wouldn't it be a better example to the rest of the world, if the US government dealt with their own hunger issues instead of policing?